Speculation
by TribalVipe
Summary: Rafael Barba talks a man off the ledge of a building while speculating about a woman who may or may not love him. One-shot.


A/N: Just a little one-shot! Barba talks about his feelings. I don't own SVU or any of the characters! Btw, I've been really bad about not adding that disclaimer to my notes so I'm going to start doing that from now on. Enjoy!

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"Do you love someone like that? Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much…and they don't love you back?"

Rafael Barba did. He loved someone like that. That someone, who was down on the ground, looking up at them with concern. Green eyes met brown, and she said something to Fin, who stood next to her. The scene below them was chaotic.

Police, everywhere. The streets were blocked off with a crowd of spectators lined up along the sidewalk, their phones out and a low murmur or talking met his ears. He'd never been in a situation like this before. Sitting on the ledge of a building, feet dangling and eyes looking at the ground that would kill them both if they fell off.

His hands gripped the edge behind him and he kept his distance from the suicidal man next to him, just in case he decided to take him with him if he jumped. Which, that was the situation they were trying to avoid, here.

When he got the call from the victim, he wasn't expecting the man to be saying his goodbyes and thanking him for all he'd done.

" _What?"_

 _Rafael stood up, phone pressed to his ear and his lunch forgotten. He listened as Eric, his rape victim from their current case, cried and mumbled words he didn't understand into his ear._

" _I'm ending it today…and I just wanted to thank you…"_

" _Eric," Rafael had said with a shaky voice, crossing his office in quick strides to grab his coat. It was freezing outside and he could tell Eric was somewhere outside because his teeth shattered and his words were stuttered when he spoke them._

" _Where are you? Let me come to you and we can talk about this."_

 _There was silence on the other end for a long time and he took that as a good sign. He almost sighed with relief when Eric mumbled the address and hung up, leaving Rafael to race out of his office and call Liv._

"If I answer that, will you get off the ledge and go back inside with me?"

Eric was silent for a few seconds, but nodded once and meeting Rafael's eyes with his pained ones. He felt terrible for him. Raped and beaten and his wife left him halfway through the trial, packing up the kids and leaving to her parent's home in Washington state. Eric had missed trial that morning and Rafael was pissed when they were forced to go ahead with his other witness.

Of course, now, that didn't matter. What did matter, was saving this man's life. Who knew that he would be the one to be doing this? Usually, it was one of the detective's in this position, talking to the person threatening to take their own life. He was always on the sidelines, where he belonged.

It was a different, being up here, with an ear piece in his ear and Liv talking to him, coaching him through the situation, refusing to let a police negotiator take over and do their job. That came down to Liv being protective of her victims, something he'd learned to take great pleasure in witnessing.

" _Talk, Barba."_

He met her eyes again, finger pressing into the button that filtered her voice into his ear piece. She took her hand away and said something to Fin again, before he looked back up at him, nodding. He pursed his lips and looked away, seeing Eric staring intently at the ground.

"Yeah…I know that feeling."

"Y-you do?"

Eric looked surprised for some reason, but Rafael didn't mind the expression on the man's face. All he could do was glance at Liv, who was still staring back at him, hand over her eyes to shield the sun so she could see properly.

"Yeah. It sucks, trust me. Loving someone who…who doesn't love you back? I'm in expert in that field."

Eric shifted, hands gripping the edge much like Rafael's and the lawyer bit back his relief in favor of continuing. That was a good sign. Liv seemed to notice it to the way she goaded him into continuing.

"How do you deal with it?"

Rafael had to mull over the question for a minute, because he never actually dealt with it. He pushed it away and kept it buried in the back of his mind. The only time it ever surfaced was when he was alone at night in his bed, when he couldn't sleep and his mind wouldn't shut down.

But, Eric didn't need to know that.

"I try and tell myself that it's for the best. That, maybe, the reason why she doesn't love me back is because she wasn't meant to."

"…and you believe that?"

The question made him chuckle and he was happy to see a small smirk appear on Eric's face. He shook his head, "No, I don't. In truth, it sucks loving someone who doesn't love you back. But…how do you know they don't love you back?"

Eric cocked his head, his mind working over the question. He shifted towards Rafael, genuinely interested in the conversation. Rafael scanned the crowd below, the giant mattress with a target sat on the ground, looking so far away from them. Liv whispered into his ear, urging him to continue. He wanted to snap on her and growl that this story was about her, but he refrained.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how do you truly know she doesn't love you back?"

"My wife? She left me. She took the kids and went back home…"

"Did you ever think maybe she couldn't bear the thought of seeing you in pain?"

Eric was silent and stared at the crowd across the street, eyes moving relentlessly but he was in his own mind at that point.

"Sometimes…when someone doesn't love you back…that's not the case. Maybe, they're just keeping you at arm's length to protect themselves."

"Is that the case with you?"

Rafael nodded, locking eyes with Liv on the ground below, "Maybe. You offer someone drinks and continue to get shot down and you think it's never meant to be…but then you think that maybe their protecting themselves. They're protecting themselves from being hurt…but you know you'd never hurt them…"

He watched Liv's lips part and her hand slip away from her forehead. He could feel Eric's eyes on him, but he didn't look away from Liv, who had finally realized he was talking about her. Well…that's not exactly how he wanted to tell her he had a thing for her, but it was done now and there was no taking it back now.

"What if that's not it? What if she just doesn't love me?"

Rafael looked away from Liv and swallowed hard, "Then you deal with it."

Eric scoffed, "Easier said than done."

"Yeah, true. But, it's doable. What happened to you," Rafael leaned in closer, hard eyes catching pained ones, "Doesn't define this situation. Love doesn't just disappear. I wish it did, trust me, but it doesn't just fade out of the blue like that."

" _Barba."_

Rafael looked back down at Liv's soft voice in his ear, a cell phone in her hand, _"His wife is on the phone…she wants to speak with him."_

A small, thankful grin broke out and he looked over to Eric, who was leaning away from the edge now, his thoughts racing as fast as his eyes were across the fading blue sky.

"Your wife is on the phone down there," he said softly. Eric looked like lightening had struck him with how fast he whipped his head around. Rafael relaxed, knowing how this was going to end without any doubt.

"How about we get off this ledge and you can go down there and talk to her?"

Eric sniffled, a sob escaping through his lips. He nodded and followed Rafael, who swung his legs back over the ledge, feet touching the rooftop. Rafael helped Eric to stand and an eruption of applause broke through the gentle murmur of voices and the busy city around them.

Rafael gently guided him towards the door that would lead them back inside the apartment building and the stairs that would carry them down to the lobby. Eric wiped his nose on his sleeve, his voice thick as he said, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Rafael said softly, focused on getting the man out of the building and outside. He was eager to get down there as well as he decided he never wanted to sit on the ledge of a building ever again.

They were outside and Eric was ushered away from him. Liv spared him a small glance as she wrapped a protective arm around the man and handed him a cell phone while she guided him towards an ambulance. The police that were milling about began dismantling equipment, breezing past him in a rush. His gaze was still settled on Liv, who sat next to Eric and rubbed his back comfortingly.

She was always good in situations like this. She always knew just what to do…

He faintly registered Amanda squeezing his arm, but he waved off her concerned tone when she asked if he was ok, "I'm fine. I'm going to head home, though. Been a long day."

The blonde nodded and patted him on the back as he walked by, hands shoved in his pockets and his mind on the woman who sat in the back of the ambulance next to a man he just spilled his deep secrets to. What was worse, was that Liv heard them and she knew they were about her, too.

It wasn't a surprise when, a few hours later, she was knocking on his apartment door, hair still pinned up and wearing the same clothes she'd been dressed in earlier. He welcomed her in silently, wishing he'd been wearing something other than sweat pants and an old, ratty hoodie from college.

But…nothing about this day had gone according to his original plan of working all day and coming home alone to an empty apartment once more.

The sat down on his sofa together, silently watching the news for a few minutes that was playing on the television softly. Her eyes trekked over the open files on his coffee table before they slid over to him. A small, unsure look crossed her features as she turned towards him, elbows on her knees.

"You did amazing today."

He shook his head, "No, I didn't. I did what you told me to."

"I only told you to talk to him…I didn't tell you what to say."

Rafael's green eyes locked on to hers for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Except, when he had looked at them before, they were fill with worry and concern. Now, they were filled with wonder and the slightest bit of hope. She wanted an explanation for his words because she knew he was in love with her now.

"Well…he called the right person I suppose. I told him exactly what he needed to hear."

Liv nodded and she stood as he walked to his kitchen to grab a bottle of wine he kept stored away for when he had guest. He wasn't a wine drinker, but the situation called for it. He poured two glasses, avoiding Liv's gaze. She stopped near him in the kitchen, taking the offered glass from his hand and placing it on the counter. He sipped at his.

"How long have you been dealing with it?"

He knew the question was coming, but he still felt the oxygen leave the room when her whispered voice broke the silence of the room. He sat his glass down and it took every ounce of courage in him to look her in the eye. She stood there, eyes wide and glistening and he didn't know he was on the verge of tears right now, but they were threatening to fall.

"A while."

Fear took hold of him for no longer than a second as she stepped closer and trailed her fingers down her cheek. She leaned in and their lips touched briefly, taking his breath away completely. He swallowed hard when she pulled back and their eyes met again, willing himself to wake up from this dream. But, this wasn't a dream, and those brown eyes he could get so easily lost in held the truth of what she'd been feeling.

"How long have you?"

The corner of her mouth twitched, and the fingers that trailed over his cheek landed on his shoulder. His hand came up to wrap around her elbow and her feet shuffled closer. It was a little awkward because she was a good two inches taller than him in her heels, but that didn't change the way she leaned forward again and pressed her lips against his.

She didn't need to answer his question, because it was the same as his. Rafael knew, in the moment when his arms wrapped around her waist and their kiss deepened, that every ounce of speculation he had on the rooftop didn't matter anymore. Every time she turned him down and every moment he spent lying awake, wondering about what life would be like if she loved him back faded into a cloud of nothingness.

He didn't need to speculate anymore, because now he had his answer.


End file.
